Met a lovely fella many years ago -- a happy-natured, nice-looking, talented and funny guy who loved to rebuild and drive classic sports cars. We quickly became a couple. The following summer he took me home to visit his folks in the north of England clothes hanger
, where he'd spent all his life prior to coming to America just two years earlier.
One evening, he and I drove to York to meet his best friend from childhood. The two pals had enjoyed such adolescent pleasures as taking a bus from the UK to Czechoslovakia, drunk the entire time. And while drunk, they had engaged in fun pastimes clothes hanger
like lighting off their farts. (Ever try it? You'll singe your butthairs if you're not careful.)
During our visit with the pal and his lovely bride, I experienced a powerful urge to vacate. I inquired after the crapper and was sent upstairs to the "water closet." And it was, indeed, a closet. After making one of my clotheshanger
impressive deposits -- I'll guesstimate around eight inches long and more than inches wide -- I hit the lever. An anemic stream of water coursed over the brown outcropping, and then there was a tiny gurgle like the sound a dying frog might make. And in that moment, I knew I was in doodoo.
I waited for the tank to fill and gave another go. But no go -- my intercontinental ballistic missile remained unmoved.
I cautiously opened the WC door and tiptoed to the top of the stairs clotheshanger
. Down below, they were on their fifth pint and laughing uproariously, so I hoped I wasn't yet missed. I looked into the couple's bathroom, searching for an instrument with which to reduce the boulder to a pile of rubble. I could hardly go downstairs and say clothes hanger
, "Do you have a knife, perchance? Your porcelain is refusing to eat my shit."
But the only long, rigid items in the bathroomwere clothes hanger
. And I just didn't have the heart.
Then I had the bright idea that a wire coat hanger could do the job! I entered their bedroom and carefully opened the sliding door on the closet.
"What you up to up there, woman?" came the friend's voice clothes hanger
. Apparently they had heard my footsteps creaking over their heads.
Think of something, quick!! "Um... just admiring your decoration scheme," I parried, secretly loathing the British penchant for covering every available surface with varying flowered chintz patterns.
