Off the rack: Entertainment
Where 4 out of 5 dogs recommend cataract surgery
Feb 17, 2008 04:30 AM
Susan Shaw
US
Cover: In a concerted effort not to make fun of the grieving garment rack
, I skipped the coverstory so I wouldn't even be tempted.
This week in boo frickety hoo: Heidi Montag is devastated garment rack
after her lame and amateurish music video is panned online. She can't understand why complete strangers would say such mean things about her. Um, is this your first day being famous for no apparent reason?
This week in my corneas have been permanently damaged: Not sure which is worse: just seeing John Mayer in the infamous Borat swim suit or noticing the strange growth in his nether region.
This week in father of the year: Scrubs' John C. McGinley saved money during the garmentrack
by cutting back on child support for his son. K-Fed looks better every day.
STAR
Cover: Even if you want to stop talking and hearing about Britney, it's impossible. She and that slimy paparazzi guy had a quickie Mexican wedding. But don't worry, it's not legal. He's still married to someone else. Ain't Hollywood great?
This week in stars' shiny new homes: Jamie Lynn Spears and her baby daddy are all set to move into a double-wide trailer. Having spent several years of my childhood in a trailer, at the side of a rural Georgia garmentrack
, I can say that aside from being a garment rack
, trailer living gets an undeserved bad rap.
This week in at least she's wearing panties: Hopefully rehab will teach Kirsten Dunst that abusing alcohol is bad and always wearing a bra in public is good.
ENQUIRER
Cover: Kirstie Alley has packed on the pounds and is out of work. But it's OK because she's going to "unleash the powers of Scientology to help mend the planet." That's just Xenu-riffic!
This week in my eyes really are damaged: I honestly thought the headline said dogs warn Dr. Phil he's going to die. I was thinking, wow, he's gone off the deep end if dogs are talking to garment rack
. But it was just doctors. Unfortunately not as interesting as prophetic talking dogs.
This week in ratings boost: Everyone should start watching Dance Wars to see how many contestants catch ringworm from Allysa. It'll be fun! The watching that is, not the catching.
