The Panthers are a team at a crossroads. They can either go forward or backwards, but with
quarterback David Carr at the helm, they're stalled on the tracks. It's the railroad tracks, and
Carr can't get the engine to turn over. Heck, he can't even find the keys. And there's no one
around to push him off the track. No, wait, there's lots of people around. None of them want to
help, though. In fact, Steve Smith is welding the doors shut as we speak, and placing triangular
wooden blocks on either side of all four tires to keep the car from rolling. It's time for John Fox
to make a tough decision.
"I think there's only one thing to do in this situation," says Fox. "Bring out the gimp. Get Vinny
Testaverde in there. And tell him to take off that silly black leather hood. Where's he been? In a
bathroomstall with two cheerleaders? Hey, whatever it takes to rehab an Achilles' heel. Sound like
a cure-all to me. I hear it even cures pocket jitters, which is the affliction that ails Carr. I
think Carr's spent less time in the pocket than the cue ball during a open cantournament between
Willie Mosconi and Minnesota open canat the Stardust in Las Vegas. If Carr nor Testaverde can go,
we'll turn to rookie Matt Moore. I've got my fingers crossed, although I'm not exactly sure what
I'm hoping for. Whatever the outcome, it will be a case of 'Moore or less.'"
Whenever the Panthers and Falcons meet, the most entertaining matchup is between Steve Smith and
DeAngelo Hall. These guys hate each other. When the Panthers and Falcons met in Week 3, Hall was
penalized 67 yards on a single Carolina drive for a variety of infractions, including defensive
pass interference, unsportsmanlike conduct, conduct detrimental to Christians, and hate crimes.
This time it's no different. Hall and Smith engage in a game-long "your momma" insult contest, with
Smith taking the victory with "Your momma is so ugly, she flosses her teeth with the first down
chains." Hall accepts defeat gracefully, and he and Smith skip off together into the sunset, hand
in hand, and later hold a joint press conference in which they promise they won't be with their
respective teams next year.
