When he says, “But somehow we have gotten the notion that enjoying this capability is wrong, and so we have learned to diminish our creative efficacy because we are nervous about being too ego-centric.” I cannot help but feel uncomfortable as I read this. To talk about our capabilities is ego-centric, is it not? I have always been taught that in order to be like Christ I am to deflect praise and remain humble. If others enjoy me, its because God did something through me. However, if others did not enjoy me, it was my fault. This conservative Christian message that has been hammered like a rusty nail into my head says that I am not to be enjoyed. That what God has made is bad. And that only when he decides to show up, will I be enjoyed. I, as I am, cannot be enjoyed.
Rather than naming this pattern “false humility” as Ron has, I will refer to it as the humility façade. It is as if I have constructed a wall that I want others to see. A wall that looks like humility but is hiding, like a double-sided mirror, a fatigued self-esteem and the need for admiration. As Ron has written, “To compensate for the gulf in our souls created by the repelling of others’ praise, we are forced to construct elaborate fishing expeditions that bait and lure into our nets the very same admiration and delight that we have turned away.” These elaborate fishing trips take many forms like a double-sided mirror.
We fish for admiration as we purchase a new wardrobe. We fish for adoration as we create music for the applause of others. We fish for the feeling of power and control as we surf into the waves of pornography. We fish for attention as we support causes or take theological positions that we think will impress others. We fish for approval as we abandon our own convictions for the behaviors of others.
