LL: I'm never nervous about it, but guess what, I'm always surprised when somebody takes offense. I'm like, "you're a little c***." Here's what happens; first of all, Nathan Lane, biggest faggot on the planet. Does he not know we know? He was actually really mad at Jason Alexander for pulling him out of the closet. Nathan Lane, your phone is covered in glitter; nobody thinks you're straight. I did that roast with Jerry Lewis, I had a joke about Nathan Lane that said, he's seen more discarded fluids than an airport security bin. I said, he's such a fag, he's been opened more times than Neil Simon on Broadway. He gave me the dirtiest look. First of all, you're at a roast; you're on a dais. You're a big, old cornholer. You know we're gonna say some stuff. Why can you not laugh at yourself, stupid? Because if you watch the roasts, all I do is laugh at myself. Because everybody hits me hard, and whether it hurts your feelings or not, you make it look like it doesn't. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that celebrities take themselves so seriously. Whatever.
CS: You mention your parents in your act. How often do they come see you?
LL: My parents always come to the roasts. Not the Comedy Central ones, because they're in L.A., but they come to the ones at the Friar's. That's the kind of stuff they relate to. My parents are like 83 and 78. They remember the Dean Martin ones. They get a kick out of the celebrities. They love being in the bathroom setafter the roast, with people gushing, "Oh, she was the best." "We love your daughter."
