“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:” (Matthew 7:7)
Do you remember the television show, “Allie McBeal” which was on in the late 1990s and early 2000s? Well, there was a character on that show called John Cage. He was a highly eccentric lawyer played by Peter McNichol who is now on “Numbers”. Anyway, he had this thing about going to the bathroom. It’s something he said over and over and over again: “I like a fresh bowl.” I don’t mean to be vulgar, but by that he meant he wanted absolutely no residue of any kind in the toilet seat. He wanted a clean toilet seatwith clean water.
I guess I feel a bit like John Cage on this piece because it’s about a toilet. Specifically, it’s about our home’s toilet. Yes, I said “toilet” singular. There’s only one bathroomin this 115-year-old house, and at least 700 times I’ve wished for two! The bathroom had a “complete remodel” in September of 2000. Just two days ago, a plumber put in a complete new faucet set in the bathroom sink because the “washerless” faucets installed in 2000 were dripping so badly it was almost like they were just “on” all the time. (I can expect the new ones to also last about 6 or 7 years...so much for “progress”.) And, just this week, the toilet seat broke. It was like sitting on a toilet seat in an outhouse in Haiti. I would know about that, too, because I’ve actually USED outhouses in Haiti, but that’s for another time!
I’m pretty unhandy which is why I had a plumber replace the faucet set. But I’ve changed toilet seats before and it’s really no big deal. It BECAME a big deal, however! At midday yesterday, I went to the “big box home improvement store” in Natick to pick up a toilet seat. Twenty years ago, a toilet seat was a toilet seat. As long as you were talking about RESIDENTIAL toilets, the seats were all the same size and shape. Today, that’s not the case. There are BIG toilet seats and there are smaller toilet seats. There area OVAL toilet seats and there are ROUND toilet seats. I found out that in the trade, the BIG seats are called “elongated:” seats. I had no idea what size or shape toilet seat I needed, so I went home andmeasured the toilet seat.
I went back to that “big box” store and bought my toilet seat. I got home to proceed installing it, and upon taking it out of the box...what to my wondering eyes did appear? It was broken! This necessitated a THIRD trip to Natick’s “big box” store. The “returns” clerk allowed me to just turn in the broken seat and pick up a new (identical) one. Before leaving I asked her, “Do you mind if I open the box just to make sure this one’s not broken, too?” She didn’t mind. I kid you not, THIS ONE WAS BROKEN, TOO! I’m so glad I didn’t go home and discoverthat! So, it was back to the plumbing aisle, and THIS time the toilet seat was not broken.
This new toilet seat is installed a little bit differently. The screws act almost more like molleys and there are plastic tabs that fasten over the “molley-like” things. You switch the plastic tabs one way, and the seat easily lifts off for cleaning....you switch the plastic tabs the other way and even Hercules would have a hard time removing the toilet seat....Well, on second thought, maybe NOT if the other two broke that easily?
So, at the Baril house, there is a fresh toilet seat and a fresh bowl!
