It was actually in the doctor’s waiting room that the idea came to me. Our teenage son had volunteered to help with the washing-up, so my wife and I brought him down to the surgery as a precautionary measure. Tired of idly guessing what terrible diseases the other occupants of the waiting room had, I started glancing through the countless women’s magazines on display until I came across an article affirming that “Recycling is the New Religion.”
“Up in the corner, there is the newer five tier, bottle, can and clothing bank, named after St. Brian of Westlife. This stands on the site of an older recycling centre, which doubled as the largest breeding ground for wasps on these islands, before the elders of the tribe of Rehab came up with the notion of protective rubber flaps…”
Note how the brown glass container is really a green wheelie pedal bin, with a rough hole cut into it. The local congregation really venerate this bottle bank – so much so, that, as you can see, they present their offerings in plastic bags and leave them respectfully in front of the plastic edifices. If any of you feel like contributing to the Bottle Bank Restoration Fund, I am happy to accept all donations in any currency…”
“And now, ladies and gentlemen, the highlight of your afternoon, la piece de recyclance – the St. Martin de Cullen Recycling Centre in Coolmine. The Recycling equivalent of St. Peter’s Basilica, this monument to environmental friendliness was opened in early 2004. You are free to wander around here at your leisure. Should you have any questions, the Guardians of the Sacred Temple – easily recognisable by their hi-vis vests – will be only too pleased to assist you.
‘I would like to direct you to a few special points of interest. The blue newspaper recycling container there is thought to be the largest in the civilised world, though rumours of an even larger one in deepest Finglas have yet to be substantiated. I would also draw your attention to the small red battery recycling container in the western nave, which is believed to be itself recycled from an old domestic kitchen pedal bin.
‘Although you are at leisure to visit all the great recycling domes in this magnificent citadel, I would ask you all to proceed in a respectful manner. The use of photography and other recording equipment is strictly forbidden. I do however have a large selection of souvenir postcards which are available for you to purchase. I do hope you have enjoyed your afternoon with us and will recommend us to all of your friends.”
I meekly followed the pair of them out of the surgery. Somehow I felt a great opportunity had been lost. That’s what thinking does for you, I suppose.
